


Thoughts With Sam Winchester

by CKGrillie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, Nighttime Angsting, Sad Sam Winchester, Sam's struggling a bit, Suicidal Sam Winchester, but when is he not tbh, it's like during the lucifer time, suicidal!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 15:44:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15198017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CKGrillie/pseuds/CKGrillie
Summary: Sam's angsting, thinking about life, and tests Lucifer's promise. This is his life, and it's not ever going to change.





	Thoughts With Sam Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> hey! this isn't my best, i'm just in the writing mood and bleh this thing came out. here ya go. ((( it's from a bit later after Sam let lucifer out of the cage )))

_This is all life is ever going to be. It's just, is it really worth all these thoughts and feelings I'm having just to be alive? Just to exist?_

Sam rolls over in his temporary cheap hotel bed and faces the wall. In the bed next to him, Dean snoozes away.

_How can I be expected to keep going? To keep fighting and struggling and attacking all the evil in the world if I can't even deal with the evil that is myself?_

He shuts his eyes.

_All this time, Dean has been trying to save me. From demons, from ghosts, from everything that's bad and hurtful to the world._

_Yet_

_Out of everything, everything we've hunted and everything we've killed, I have caused the most destruction and pain._

_Mom_

_Jess_

_Dad_

_Ruby_

_Demon blood_

_Lucifer_

_All my mistakes that can't be erased and will never be erased, no matter how much Dean avoids talking about them._

Abruptly, Sam sits up and quietly sneaks out of the hotel room, gun tucked neatly in his waistband.

First the gun is neatly pointed at his head. Then the gunshot startles the nearby birds.

And Sam sits up, good as new.

The words spoken not long ago:  
_'I will kill myself before letting you in.'_  
_'And I'll just bring you back.'_

He walks back inside and shuts the door.

 

**Author's Note:**

> leave some kudos, or even better, a comment if u enjoyed!!! <3


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